Negative & Positive Thoughts Dumping Ground

Fadila

Female

Capricorn

In Love

EpuL
aZy
NaZ
ZuL
RiZKi
iRa
shakirah
Dopeyy

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Guilty....

Came home at about 0530hrs yesterday. Mum & dad was already up preparing their last minute stuffs to set off for Perth. My beloved niece was still sleeping. Gave her a kiss on da forehead. Decided to make coffee for myself when my mum approached me and asked, " You ok?" I was like , " Yup, why??" She just answered ,"You look terrible." I was asking myself questions, do i really look dat bad?? haha.. but then who was I trying to kid down here. My mom?? Nah... she knows me too well. I didnt wanna admit to her dat I was feeling damn tired and sleepy after my "extra work" and she also akcnowledge the fact that I was not feeling well for dat past few days. I replied to her, " I jus need to take a nap for a while then I'll send you to the airport." She just kept her silence but nodded her head...

The next moment when I opened my eyes, it was already bright. Made a check on my watch.. 0730hrs. I started to panic. Rushed out of bed, went to the living room.. No one... Everybody had left.. Mummy didn't wake me up. Managed to call on her mobile and asked why didnt she wake me up knowing that I already told her that I'll be sending them to the airport. The words she replied.."You were sleeping soundly and I know that you are tired, so I didnt want to trouble you.." I remain silent and all I could reply was I'm sorry and asked her to gimme a beep when she has arrived safely..

At that point of time I really HATED myself. Cant even do a simple thing. Should have just kept myself awake for another half an hour or so then everything will be fine. Stupid work, stupid me.. I'm so pissed off at myself... ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Memento..

A very meanigful & significant card given by my buddy..

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Bug..

As I sit down typing this entry, my whole body feels so weak & i'm feeling lethargic. With one hand one the keyboard and the other stuffing my nose with tissues. I myself do not know how many boxes of tissues i have used up throughout the day. Fever comes and go as it pleases, my sinus have been faithful to me for today. How i wished that i could just do without my nose. Guess riding in the heavy rain this morning has made my situation worsen. Medicines I have taken does not seem to be helping me one bit and to make matter worse, my stomach has been rejecting wateva food i have taken. Wat goes into my mouth comes out again in a matter minutes. No idea wat bug has came in contact with my body. I have come to a point at this moment of time where I have become too tired to eat. The best thin to do now is sleep and hope that the next morning i wake up will be a better day for me.

~the intention to watch champion's league later won't be accomplished. looks like i'll jus have to watch it in my dreams *sighs* ~

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Help..

Spend the whole day 2day at home bumming around without anythin to do. Home alone again as per normal. *sighs* .. As i'm sitting down in front of this screen, my eyes keep looking to the right where a frame stood there with a picture . can't help it..... Arrrgghhh...I'm feeling so helpless at dis point of time... help...

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Finally Ma InTerNet Is Up & RunniN

Had a really pleasant suprise on my table when i got home from work today although I've gotten a hint da nite before.. *wink wink*.. Didnt know wat was the content though.. hmmm... I was loss for words, mixed emotions ran thru me the moment i saw the content of the "suprise".. A small gesture shows a lot bout a person... I suddenly felt like I wanted to be there.. where he was.. To tell how i felt all this while, when he was away... But all I could do now is to pray for his safe return...

18th May 2005
Woke up early this morning *grinning proudly to myself* to go bike hunting together with my buddy and nizam (who jus got his 2B licence) .. hehe... Congrats! Drove from one point to one point.. The weather was so hot dat it made me feel lethargic and sleepy most of da time . Well, i dun deny dat i always feel dat way when the sun is up.. haha!! *evil grins* I'm a nocturnal person by nature... yeah right.. Didnt know that looking for that particular bike he wanted was so hard.. But it wasnt such a wasted effort after all, cos at least now he roughly has all the qoutations of the the bike from diff shops. Went to Funan after dat to have my adapter replaced but was rejected. *sighs* looks like i gotta wait for the fax to come in the next day.. Did a bit of shopping @ Funan itself and had a superb feast at KFC after dat to reward ourselves for our hard work.. hehe.. Basically fell asleep straight away after i got back and had difficulty waking up in the morning for work (as per normal).. Its so unbecoming of me!! hahah

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

HappY MoTheR's Day..

Been a while since i pen down into this space of mine. The week that passed me by has gone smoothly although there were some hiccups along the way due to a friend but overall it was good. After my shift one duty, i actually sat for 45mins by the road side, staring helplessly at the vehicles zooming pass me. Did have a few stares by strangers whom must have thought that i was a lunatic sitting there all alone. hehe.. Thanks to my buddy and azy!! But it wasnt that bad though cos we had a great time after dat.. pitching tent and having a feast after dat.. Guess i now have a partner in "crime" to eat a lot and not feel bad about it!! haha!! Thanks gal! (azy).. ok, back to the 45mins of waiting time at the road side.. during this short period of time, lotsa things went thru my head.. things dat happen in the week was jus unbelievable and i cant find any better words to describe it. Its jus amazing to know that people who started out as strangers and in a matter of time, they are able to discuss about anything and be open minded and not feel akward bout it. It actually breaks the barrier and i mus now admit that communication plays a big part in everything.. be it friendship, relationship etc. hmmm... The other thing that went thru my head was the salary that i'm gonna get this month is worth every single cent cos i pratically 'work' my butts off. So i told myself that i shouldnt feel a pinch of guilt if i were to pamper myself!! wee~~ Gotta know that few of my friends are getting promoted soon and kudos to them on their promotion.. SO WHEN WILL YOU GUYZ GIMME A TREAT?? hehe.. *not shy*

It's Mother's day yesterday.. For da first time, i didn't get my beloved mummy anythin.. hmmm.. wonder how she would feel.. wanted to treat her for dinner but ma uncle got hospitalised and everything was cancelled. Did ask her though wat she wanted for this mother's day and all she replied was to have the whole family together for dinner, which means having my bro, sis n husband and of course not forgetting my 2 beloved mischievious niece and nephew. I was like "huh?" .. Maybe to others its not dat difficult but not for my family though.. My bro is alwayz bz werking and my sis family.. hmmm... shall not elaborate further.. How am i ever supposed to make it happen for my mum.. Da only time dat all of us ( i mean ALL) meet and talk is only durin Hari Raya.. dats how bad it is.. Didnt wanna disappoint her so all i could say to her was dat i'll try my best.. It was then I reflected upon myself whether have i been a good daughter to her all this while.. I know that all mothers would wanna see their children get settled down, start their own family etc.. she has never pressurise me bout all dis stuff (i love her to the core bout dat) but i know deep down inside of her she wants to see me and my bro achieved dis. I hate the feeling of disappointing her but this kinda thing is beyond my control. Another thing that makes me realised that could i ever live without her?? She has been my pillar of strength in everythin i do, understanding me in every way and never once have i ever heard her complaining. My finances are managed by her and i really thank her for that cos if not.. i dun myself know in what position i might be in.. This got me to think that wat would i do if i lose her?? The thought of dat really hurts and i jus cant fight back my emotions.. I might have not shown her the love that she has shown me throughout my life .. I jus hope that she knows how much i treasure and love her and i have make it a point not to disappoint her in every way i can... Love you mummy, and happy mother's day. And to my sis, happy mother's day to you too...

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